The New Flirt : How do millenials flirt on social networks ?

Dear Peach’z, 

New way of communicating, new way of flirting. Today we’re going to talk about the impact that social networks have had on how we flirt.

I think that you have all visualized the thing, as all generations before us, millenials have reinvented, thanks to the emergence of social networks, the game’s rules of seduction. Let’s face it, these new codes of seduction may be more subtle, but we all know their secrets.

Today, to flirt the place to be is Instagram. It’s where everything happens. Indeed, we have gradually appropriated this platform to make it our number one flirting ally. We have established a code of love 3.0, a code that is our own and known to us all. However, it must be said, it isn’t really friends with spontaneity. On the contrary, it has more generated a kind of instrumentalisation of seduction. I’m talking about code, not codes, because I think that all these new codes, together, constitute a real notice to follow. Everything is there: where to start, how, what to do after the first approach… etc. As a kind of « customer journey of the flirt ».

In the Tinder era, we could have thought that our relationships were going to be as simple as a swipe. On the right, it’s a match. To the left, bye bye and to the next. Easy. Especially since social networks were supposed to enable us to fluidify our communication and to help us express our feelings. Bullshit ! Our relationships are worse than complicated. We talk about it in several articles on the blog, so I will not dwell on the subject, you know where to look ;)

Anyway, I propose that we make together this journey of the ultra regulated flirt 3.0.

It all starts with the choice of our prey. In order to establish the first contact, one of the first things we do is ask his or her Insta, to go to follow him or her. First visible sign of interest. This step is crucial. It is the key to opening the door. Without the validation of this stage, no journey for us !

Then follows a test phase where subtlety and observation are required. Observation, because through what people communicate on social networks (posts, stories…) we can already begin to identify their personality and learn more about their likes. Our Insta feed is a bit like our 3.0 ID card. Then, we can try to send a first sign by doing what we call “deep like”. More meaningful than a like, deep like is liking an old photo. Basically, prove our interest or at least mean it by scrolling his or her crush on Insta. And now, we just have to wait. Either it’s mutual or it’s not. Yes, we are subject to the harsh laws of flirting on social networks. If it is mutual then we go into this famous ping pong phase ! Well, I like your photos and you like mine and I like your photos again… The most confident and ambitious will even answer the stories. This period can last a while, and above all, give nothing concrete at the end. That’s why we have to take the plunge. Yes, we don’t play the game of love without getting wet.

If you are determined, it’s time to be enterprising ! Let’s go to the Dm’s ! This place, almost ruthless, where we get lost in the mass, and where we risk being forgotten, what I am saying, to be « left on view » ! Ouch, it hurts but we always get up, I promise ! Joking aside, if we calculated our shot well and our approach was sharp and impactful, he or she should answer us and there we are ! 

Let’s say everything went as planned, and let’s continue our journey of flirting. We go from insignifiant messages to real discussions, we get to know each other, the bound is gradually being built, the frequency of messages intensifies, the telephone numbers are exchanged, the desire grows, the impatience shows up… Who will propose the first date ? Him/Her or me?

Well, here, we are actors of our lives, we write our destiny, then it will be us ! Right ? 

The digital courtship is over. The real takes over. it’s time to get into the real world. To seduce, to build a bond, a real relationship. And, as you know my dear Peach'z the way is still long. Before we say that we are in a relationship, we will go through this « pre-couple » phase which, let’s be honest, is only the reflection of our difficulty in engaging and declaring our feelings. Yeah, we became wimps today. When the trial period ends and the couple is assumed, as we know, there will still be specific rules to follow.

No way to announce our relationship brutally by posting a photo, style « breaking news ». No, no, first of all, we will comment on each other’s publications. Discreet but effective to start distilling information. Then, our new boyfriend or girlfriend will sneak into our best friend’s story. Enough to allow seasoned observers to spot our newborn couple before we finally make an appearance in a post posted by our boyfriend or girlfriend. 

Well ! The way is long, binding, perilous, uncertain… That’s not love, is it ? For me, It’s supposed to be spontaneous.

The codes have changed, but some things remain. We are a generation that continues to have a true attachment to the myth of great love, to a vision of love that falls on us and lasts. Dear Peach'z, send out these codes and do what you like because as Victor Hugo would say, « What is left of life, except to have loved ? »

By Juliette Bigot